The Price to Pay

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I know it’s been a while since I posted but the last several days have been too crazy to let me write. Never have I gone through such intense times where everything comes crashing on you all at once yet a time where you know God is the one behind it all and He is there holding you.

So you left me as the messed up girlfriend who was kinda confused;well now I’m the ex-girlfriend who is a little more assured. I can’t say I didn’t see this coming but I didn’t expect it this fast. Allow me to say that breaking up is real pain! Worst part is when you have to break the heart of a man who adores you like no one ever has and one who would never let you go unless you chose to walk away.

This is exactly what happens when you choose to do something without consulting God first and when you realise you took a wrong turn; you have to painfully turn back to where God wants you. It’s heartbreaking to see how my mistake is causing the man I said yes to, untold pain. I can’t even face him and this is the part I am grateful he is in another country because I feel horrible. You know that feeling you’d get if you had to stab the most adorable cute puppy that was in love with you; that is precisely how I feel. Oh the tears I cried when I had that conversation with him minutes before I was about to go MC a dinner we had been looking forward to for like four years! I still have to hold back tears whenever I think of it.

I had spent days tortured with thoughts of what to do now that God had confirmed that the relationship wasn’t something He approved. I should have expected this when I chose to date a man who wasn’t saved. You see when the Bible tells you not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, trust me the earlier you obey, the better it will be for you. Most of us use the story of God telling Hosea to marry a prostitute as an excuse to justify dating or marrying a non-believer, but we forget that in that story, it is God who told Hosea to do so. Hosea didn’t find a non-believer, agree to date her then took her to God for approval like most of us do. So unless you have been praying about it seriously and God is leading you; don’t do it. We fail to realise that when you are both under the Lordship of Christ, no matter what flaws you have or conflict you will go through, at the end of the day, God always sorts His children because they are submitted to His leading and He continually transforms them as He shows them what real love is so that they can love each other.

Now I’m writing this in the middle of the night as usual because after seeing several wedding photos by my favourite photographer, I couldn’t stop thinking of him. I won’t lie, I miss spending time with him, listening to that sonorous voice, playing around, arguing over things just for fun, being spoilt by all the affection and attention plus all the moments fighting over whose music should play in his car. I miss feeling like I belonged to somebody and I still clearly remember how he took my breath away when he went down on his knees asking me to be his girlfriend. I know I’ll miss him enough times and it must be a thousand times worse for him but this is the price I pay for one wrong move. All I have left are painful tears and nostalgic memories…

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