I think I’m getting in trouble, probably some serious trouble. It feels like I’m stepping on murky waters but at the back of my mind, I kinda know what to expect. It’s funny how my last post was supposed to help me learn how not to get emotionally entangled but somehow I headed right there.
You know those times when you know what not to do but somehow you still end up doing it. You argue that at least you tried doing your part and tried to avoid, but when you came face to face with it, you beat your chest sure that there’s nothing you can’t handle. After everything starts crashing, you ask yourself several times why on earth you didn’t just pull out at first warning.
So today we’ve been talking for over 7 hours on phone, he finally got to beat my 6 and a half hour record. When we started talking today, my emotions were a little sober but I soon got carried away. Then I realised the conversation somehow was mainly about him or about me when I would begin talking about myself. I decided to withdraw any and every emotion. At some point he talks about a lady he’s going on a date with tomorrow to finally find closure so that he can know whether to pursue her or not. That hit me hard enough to bring me back to reality and I reminded myself not to let any fond feelings develop.
Even with all the slapping by reality and conversations in my head, my emotions wouldn’t fully cooperate! It’s like my emotions are attempting to boycott my mind and that’s dangerous!
I have a feeling that maybe it’s the concept of who I think he is or what he might offer that enticed my emotions enough to cause them to rebel. Or it might simply be a hormonal thing going on. I still don’t have the answer but all I know is that if I don’t take some drastic action soon, these rebellious emotions might get me in the kind of trouble I am not prepared for!