Pain is no joke! And I know that because as I write this I feel like a wreck. The tears won’t stop flowing, my heart feels shattered, I’m sobbing and the pain is unbearable.
Music is playing in the background and all the words I hear are supposed to be greatly comforting but I’m not sure I want comfort now; I just want to cry till I run out of tears; till I’m exhausted and fall asleep.
During painful times, people try to comfort us with words saying how things will get better or how it’s not as bad as it seems when we compare it with what others are going through… but the truth is, in the midst of pain and a future that seems bleak, encouragement feels surreal because hope is an abstract concept at that point.. and yes, my situation isn’t half as bad as someone else’s but pain is still pain. I’d love to trivialize what I’m feeling when I think of what others go through but that wouldn’t take away my pain. I just want to cry it out without feeling guilty because it’s small in comparison to other’s.
The past year has been crazy and I’ve never been through anything like this. Somehow every time I felt like I’d reached the very end, God would somehow get me past that. When my strength ran out and I had no grace for even an extra day, somehow He’d get me through an extra month, then a second one and now it’s over a year.
God puts in us some capacity to handle pain, that is far beyond what we’d imagine. We may get stretched until we feel like it’s past our limits but it probably is nowhere near what we can handle.
Right now I have a feeling God may still be stretching me but I’m terrified because I am at the end of my rope. I may not want further building of my capacity; I just want to laugh again and to see brighter days… but if God needs me to hold on a little longer, I’ll simply comply because He knows my true potential.
Things might seem unbearable but I guess we’ll never truly know how much we can bear until we’re forced to bear more than we can handle.