Boxed in on Boxing Day

I don’t exactly know why but I feel sorta boxed in today. Probably because of the obvious fact that I’m involuntarily stuck indoors but maybe due to how I feel.

See, today started out pretty well; slept in longer because I was fatigued, read a few things that were interesting then did some things that I’ve needed to do for the longest period. I texted a close friend who I haven’t talked to in ages, finally got to praying for my future hubby and totally surrendering all that to God and best part is that I got closure on an issue that has stuck for 3 years after reaching out and apologising.

Then something else occurred that triggered an emotional avalanche. I saw my ex’s sister had liked my photo on instagram and out of curiosity (or mere stupidity) I went to check her photos. Of course I got one of her and him, maybe I was looking for him subconsciously. I don’t know what I felt but it had a nostalgic touch to it. He’s a no-go zone and I’d be crazy (or foolish) to reach out but I don’t know what I felt. Maybe it was the memories that are stuffed down somewhere on the subconscious part of my mind, maybe my emotions wanted to miss him, maybe I simply missed the security of being loved and belonging to someone, maybe it was the dawn of the reality that my past truly is over or maybe the fact that I’d been emotional because of my dad’s displaced aggression towards me which I unfortunately directed to (more like against) my mum.

Whatever the case, the dishes I was washing provided adequate distraction. The fact that I’ve been working all day and guests are back so I can’t leave, makes the boxed in feeling worse. Either way, I’m glad the guests include 3 wonderful toddlers that will keep me too entertained to worry about anything.

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