Do you ever feel small? Like an ant in a world filled with elephants? It’s 2:05a.m and that’s the only way I can describe my life at this moment. I was to start writing at 1:48a.m but I didn’t, somehow. That little failure didn’t help considering how I’m trying to feel a lot less of that.
I am overwhelmed or is it just a feeling? Or it could be the hormones, they do lie at times.
I was in bed 3 hours ago ready to collapse and sleep but for whatever reason, I’m awake now and maybe given up on sleep. I tried drowning myself in somebody’s blog but I think that exacerbated things. Her blog should have inspired me and made me see how even the most accomplished people have struggles and insecurities too. However, all I kept thinking was how her beauty seemed flawless, how she was great at executing things and effective as a go-getter. Feats I aspire to but feel a million miles from.
It could be the hormones but I sincerely don’t feel beautiful enough. I tend to assume the make up is the reason I feel pretty whenever I do but I know it isn’t.
Oh and did I mention how it dawned on me that someone I thought I was starting to like may have preferences that disqualify me? (I promise to tell you that story) Sigh, maybe I should have been born as an Eritrean. They’re too pretty to struggle with such insecurities.
On the part of being great at execution, where do I even start? The numerous unfinished projects of mine would make excellent prosecutors in a case against me. I don’t even want to think of the bible reading I didn’t finish yesterday and today’s portion that I haven’t even had a sneak peek. I could list a thousand of such but that would be like opening Pandora’s box.
The go-getter, Oh well, she’s still very much alive in me but I haven’t been in touch with her lately because she’s buried under the countless insecurities.
All these and plenty more, are the elephants in my world and the ant in me feels… well, what would such an ant feel?
Maybe you’d know because you’re in a similar scenario. Maybe as you read this, the list of everything overwhelming you is growing longer.
I wish I could reach out, hug you and tell you that everything will be okay darling.
I may not… but I know someone who can.
He wrote something beautiful for you and it’s in a beautiful Psalm, the 139th one that David shared.
You’re not alone fellow ant, the elephants might make you feel like shrinking further but you’re carried by One who elephants look at and feel more petite than ants.
I’ll leave you with Psalms 139 and this common quote:
“Don’t tell God how big your problems are but tell your problems how big your God is.”
Get the focus off your situation and onto the One best able to handle them.