When Truth Doesn’t hurt

It is generally said that the truth hurts; many times it usually does. However, I’ve discovered moments when the truth actually liberates you and gives you peace instead of the expected pain.

So recently, God caused a very vital detail to be revealed. If this occurred a while back, the truth would have hurt so bad, yet, somehow I got such peace because God had prepared me.

It got me thinking how we then should ask God to reveal more truths that would set us free, according to His will. It’s God’s pleasure to show you things you need to know, but we don’t ask. In my case, I feared asking because I had a feeling I’d not like the answer, but around 18 hours after finally getting the guts to ask God, my answer came. And boy didn’t it come with such freedom!

I feel like a huge weight has been taken off my chest! Do I think life will be far easier after this? Well, maybe not; it might take a while to adjust but things will get easier.

Whoever came up with the statement/proverb which says “The truth will out” was extremely correct! Truth can’t hide forever…
In the meantime, ask God to reveal things in your life which He thinks you ought to know about situations in your life, people or whatever else.

“You do not have because you do not ask God.”
James 4:2b

Held

I have innumerable things in my life currently that don’t seem to make sense. I feel like a character in my life who has no idea what the script looks like, not perfectly sure of what my role is, and even where I know what to do, I still don’t have the strength or motivation to get it done. I’m lying around, too weak to move. My heart feels exhausted and I’m not sure how I’ll get to the point where I can pour myself out in His presence to find rest and strength to fight all this.

It feels as though I’ve been hit from all sorts of angles and hit hard. If this is God letting me walk through fire that will refine me, then I can be in perfect peace, but if it’s due to my exposing myself to combat, then I seriously need to run back to safety. Now if only I knew which of the two relates to my current situation…

I honestly am tired, if given a chance, I’d stay curled up in bed all day alone and maybe take a long night walk on my own after I get tired of lying down. I want solitude and need a good session where all I feel can come out as a river of tears. At the same time, I’m afraid staying isolated will cause me to sink deeper into whatever this is.

Either way, I need help soonest, I can’t keep staying like this. My only, and greatest consolation is His ever constant presence. I feel Him with me in all this and He’s the reason this storm hasn’t broken me and torn me apart; He’s holding me in His peace.

Your Brother’s Keeper

You have this person who’s taking your head to the clouds and you have no idea how to land back to earth or you actually don’t want to.

Conversations are priceless, just like the moments spent together. At times it’s in the words but even silence and held gazes speak quite loudly. That cliche about time flying, for you is reality. There never seems to be enough of those minutes or hours.

Lingering becomes something that attaches itself to every simple contact. A hug that lingers a little longer each day and excuses for the slightest touch are found; a playful punch and conversations where your hands keep attempting to speak more than your words.

You’re friends but things look like they might soon threaten to be out of control. Your head is still spinning fast when you remember the words ‘my brother’s keeper’. You want to do that; it’s the right thing to do, but your heart and emotions don’t make it easy.

You realise you have some responsibility towards his managing to walk in purity. You’re not supposed to make it harder for him. You have to slow down. Instant gratification comes with future consequences that might be his undoing and yours too. It’s selfish of you to want to get what your heart wants now, not considering what that would do to him and his progress this far. He’s made major strides in walking right before God, this might make everything crumble.

So you choose to be your brother’s keeper in spite of the pain you’ll feel while killing flesh and starving desires. You continue praying for him as you usually do because you know how great a Destiny awaits him. You’ll go on being his friend and support him because in the end, it’s all worth it.

Moving on Swiftly

I thought I was quite good at goodbyes that I could spot them coming, miles before it arrived because I’d done it countless times. This worked well for me since it gave me time to deal with it in advance. When parting time arrived, I was able to survive it pretty well.

It kinda went like the stages of grief. After noticing the tell-tale signs, my first reaction would be denial. The thought that’d come to mind was “This can’t be happening”.

I definitely didn’t expect the friendship or relationship to last forever but maybe I hoped it would stay a little longer.

Next would be some anger of sorts. Some of the anger would be triggered by the person and I’d be mad at them for not caring enough to stay or for making me assume this would last longer. Then I’d realise the fault wasn’t with them but I’m the one to blame. So I’d get mad at myself for trusting too much or for getting carried away fairly easily.

Bargaining would follow; I try to look for ways to turn the situation around. Anything that might help avoid the oncoming goodbye.

Reality would hit after I realise that the situation can’t be salvaged and that’s when depression begins. I’d try avoid the person, I’d cry if need be, I’d spend enough time in bed and wallow in my sorrow. This would be the hardest and most painful time.

As we know, pain doesn’t last forever, so eventually I’d accept and move on.

However, recently, I was sure of a certain goodbye. All the signs indicated it and I’d gone through most of the stages of grief then something happened that took me aback. I was 100% sure this was ending then I’m unexpectedly told something that looks nothing near goodbye; words that carry an intention to stay and anchor more firmly.

So I’m left somehow confused. I figured that I may not exactly be the goodbye specialist I thought I was or that no matter how well you think you know people, they might just surprise you every once in a while.

Maybe this goodbye won’t happen or maybe it’s simply tarried. Either way, it looks like I won’t be moving on as swiftly as I thought.

What would follow

Let’s be Less More and More Less

There’s this song by Sho Baraka called ‘We Can Be More’. It’s one of those songs that has lyrics that can make a girl swoon! I had this secret desire to hear similar words from someone special until I figured my special somebody might not know how to drop lines like those in case he turns out to be the intellectual dude or maybe computer geek I expect.

Let me give you a sneak peek of what I’m blubbering about:

“Girl you know you got my heart
And you know I love you so much
This is more than lust
You and I can become us
We’ve known each other for a while
And I know you say we just friends, but
We can be more, lady we can be more…”

Tell me which girl wouldn’t be floored by such lyrics from such a gentleman who admits his past as a player, his reformation and your place in that storyline??

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Love is…

February is the month of love and myriads of people go out searching for or hoping to be found by love. I thought this was going to be a good time for me to drown deeper in Love Himself and I’d challenged my bible study family to do the same. However, after my open heart surgery earlier today, I’ve realised I’m the one who needs to learn what love is and since I was shown how selfish I am, I now choose to give love and not sit back and expect it as though the world owes me.

First and foremost, I need to start with the real definition of love and what better place to find it than in 1 Corinthians 13. Here’s how love is described:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT)

That’s a pretty heavy checklist and if weighed against it, I’d be found wanting on practically the entire list! I haven’t exactly been the most patient person and I doubt that kind part, oh I’ve had my fair share of jealousy and let’s not even talk about pride. I demand my way in everything and fuss when I don’t get my way. I struggled a lot with the irritability part because I get quite irritable several times. I forgive but somehow have a mind that records all wrongs.

Therefore, starting today, I’m going to be very intentional about loving people. I have asked God to teach me how to do that in reality.

My challenge this starting week is not to focus on myself or talk about myself unless someone asks. I will listen to people, really get to hear their issues and try helping. Most of all, I will seek to go out of my way and love them genuinely. I’ll definitely need an accountability partner for this.

How about you? Think you can try love people a little more this month? Try it out!

Broken to be Whole

About a day ago, we had this argument with a certain friend. I recall telling him how he was selfish and so was anyone who reasoned in a similar manner. I called him selfish several times. Well, eventually he was noble enough to end the tiff by admitting that I won. For two lawyers who had plenty of time, that disagreement had ended fairly (and disappointingly) fast.

There’s also this other pal who I’d been complaining to God about their selfishness. How whenever we talked, they were more concerned about their affairs and mine were dismissed as quickly as possible so that we could get back to their own. I decided to conclude that their selfishness would end as they matured and grew in wisdom.

Then today all tables turned; suddenly I was the main culprit. God started revealing the state of my heart and my oh my, was filthy! He showed how the selfishness I was seeing in others was far smaller compared to mine. It reminded me of the argument I mentioned earlier and how I accused my friend of seeing the speck in other people’s eyes and being blind to the log in their eyes. Little did I know that it was going to be better suited to my case.

Lately God’s been laying my heart bare and so far I’ve seen excess pride, ingratitude, lust, selfishness etc. Which would mean I had become a proud, lustful, selfish ingrate!

Today while He laid my heart bare, He went a step further and broke it. I lay down prostrate and cried! Even after that repentance session, I still feel a little teary and broken but grateful for what felt like heart surgery.

Were it not for His mercies and blood, I do not know where I’d be! I’m glad He broke me to make me whole.