I thought I was quite good at goodbyes that I could spot them coming, miles before it arrived because I’d done it countless times. This worked well for me since it gave me time to deal with it in advance. When parting time arrived, I was able to survive it pretty well.
It kinda went like the stages of grief. After noticing the tell-tale signs, my first reaction would be denial. The thought that’d come to mind was “This can’t be happening”.
I definitely didn’t expect the friendship or relationship to last forever but maybe I hoped it would stay a little longer.
Next would be some anger of sorts. Some of the anger would be triggered by the person and I’d be mad at them for not caring enough to stay or for making me assume this would last longer. Then I’d realise the fault wasn’t with them but I’m the one to blame. So I’d get mad at myself for trusting too much or for getting carried away fairly easily.
Bargaining would follow; I try to look for ways to turn the situation around. Anything that might help avoid the oncoming goodbye.
Reality would hit after I realise that the situation can’t be salvaged and that’s when depression begins. I’d try avoid the person, I’d cry if need be, I’d spend enough time in bed and wallow in my sorrow. This would be the hardest and most painful time.
As we know, pain doesn’t last forever, so eventually I’d accept and move on.
However, recently, I was sure of a certain goodbye. All the signs indicated it and I’d gone through most of the stages of grief then something happened that took me aback. I was 100% sure this was ending then I’m unexpectedly told something that looks nothing near goodbye; words that carry an intention to stay and anchor more firmly.
So I’m left somehow confused. I figured that I may not exactly be the goodbye specialist I thought I was or that no matter how well you think you know people, they might just surprise you every once in a while.
Maybe this goodbye won’t happen or maybe it’s simply tarried. Either way, it looks like I won’t be moving on as swiftly as I thought.
What would follow