At this very moment, there are enough reasons for me to shrink into some corner or send me into depression.
Let’s start with the pile of dishes in the sink (I won’t say how long they’ve been there) that remind me of how I fall short of being the nice homemaker; we won’t even go to the laundry part. I’m tempted to give up and think that I’d never be good enough in this sector.
I can’t remember the last time I read despite having an entire workload from school. I’ve been sleeping too much and I’d even gone back to watching movies for hours. Yesterday I didn’t even go to class. This is now the third or fourth time I’ve skipped school. This time I blame it on cramps, oh the pain I’ve been through yesterday and partly today!
I’m in bed now with some pain trying to persist. I almost feel guilty for wanting to sleep. I am behind on my bible reading and the bible challenge I gave people to do, I failed at it terribly! I have too many undone or unfinished things. I haven’t even prepared for the Sunday school class I’m to teach tomorrow.
Emotionally, I’m not doing too good either. My ex texted me this week and I gladly replied. What followed was a stream of thoughts which are definitely not good for me, at some point I even contemplated hanging out with him. But I can’t go back, I’m not supposed to. If I do, I’ll mess my life in ways that would take too long to recover. I still can’t understand why this future husband isn’t appearing. I’m not saying I want to get married right away but I’m simply wondering where this guy is hidden because I need my emotions to settle.
I can’t forget to mention how this whole trying to eat healthy and lose weight hasn’t been working too well.
So yes, I’m not in the best shape spiritually, emotionally or physically but I refuse to let that put me down. I choose to shift my focus to things that are right like how God’s been miraculously providing for me these past few weeks, how He’s given me favour with people I didn’t expect, how things are aligning and most of all, how He still loves me in spite of everything.
Which reminds me of what God has to say about all this:
We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed [frustrated] but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 4:8-12 New Living Translation (NLT)
Then when I was badly beaten down, weak, in tears and feeling kinda depressed, He gave me two lines from Isaiah 41:10
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you.
Therefore, I choose to change my perspective and see things differently. I will not lie down here and despair.