The Bad Good Guy

There is a certain category of (Christian) men that exist; the ones who are naturally very nice, extremely social, quite caring and most likely come with a dash of charm. They are such good company and conversations with them never end: you could chat all night (okay, half the night probably) and talk on phone for a long time. They exhibit such concern and care; they will check up on you and when you are not alright, they will shower you with attention.

They are the ones who: treat you right, know you well enough, can easily tell if something is wrong, occasionally tell you how much they have missed you whenever you go silent, tell you a lot about what is going on in their lives and seem to enjoy your company. These guys make you feel special and you get very comfortable with them. They are the kind of friends most girls desire. I myself have had a couple of them.

But… they are pretty dangerous!

Not dangerous because they are bad people but because of how good they are. I know you already have your eyebrows up; allow me to explain.

You see, this kind of guy will easily captivate you. You will insist on how you are simply friends and how it is a purely platonic relationship. What you do not realise is that with every act of kindness, every bit of concern, every phone call and every hour together, he is slowly creeping into your heart. The reality is that ladies get emotionally entangled faster than men so chances of you starting to like him are very high.

The danger starts when you slowly get towed in and when emotional intimacy starts building. After a while, feelings start developing and you realise you’re falling for this friend. Then the pain follows soon when you notice that he wasn’t treating you special but is actually like that with several ladies. This guy did not set out to lead you on then dump you; no, he simply is being who he is- the nice charming guy.

Several of his lady friends start crushing on him and he never understands why. Some of the ladies fortunately don’t suffer the same fate. A trail of broken hearts is left behind and he may or may not know but you can be sure he probably wouldn’t understand how it happened because he had no intention to date any of them; he was just being a good friend.

When I discovered how big a deal this was, I tried talking to some of my friends explaining to them how their actions were affecting ladies around them. Most of them couldn’t see it and none of them changed after that. Then it dawned on me that inasmuch as men are custodians of our hearts, we are the ones with the primary responsibility to guard our own hearts.

So then next time you have this nice, charming friend who is always offering a shoulder to cry on and feels like your absolute bestest friend. Watch out, don’t let emotional intimacy catch up. If he’s already gotten you emotionally entangled, then look for a way to explain to him how his actions are affecting you. If you can’t do that, then find a way to retreat and go get time to recover, even if it means letting go of a friendship.

Remember that above all, guard your own heart!


9 thoughts on “The Bad Good Guy

  1. I have shared this piece with my peers (think of 18 – 20 year-olds) and it has sparked a lot of debate! Here are just some of the views:

    1. That everyone has to experience heartbreak in their lives. We should not leave the good guys (friends) just for the fear of heartbreaks because it will happen one time or another (even with other things) whether we like it or not.
    2. Every friendship just has to have an emotional attachment of some sort. If not then the guys will just become mere acquaintances. How do we nurture healthy friendships with guys without getting emotionally attached?
    3. It is possible to get emotionally attached to a guy without necessarily being attracted to him. That means that even if he gets a girlfriend the lady friends won’t harbour feelings of resentment and bitterness because they are just friends. Nothing more
    4. Being friends with a guy is a bit different from being friend-zoned.The latter is the one with disastrous consequences.

    Maybe you could help explaining things further to us because you obviously have more experience than us in this. πŸ™‚

    Thanks though for your thoughts and your refreshing article, It made us ponder over things that we usually take lightly.

    Be blessed πŸ™‚


    • Thank you so much for that dear and I love the feedback. Let me try respond to what they’ve brought up:
      1. Yes heartbreaks do come up but if you can avoid them, then you’re being prudent. There are heartbreaks I experienced that were necessary but others totally unnecessary and preventable. Most came with lessons but some lessons can be learnt from listening to counsel from people who are wiser.
      Don’t run away from good guys; enjoy those friendships but just keep your heart in check.
      2. All friendships come with bonds and that’s what makes friends stick together. However, we’re a little more careful when it comes to bonds with the opposite sex because that can easily turn to something else.
      3. Well, there’s healthy emotional attachment and unhealthy ones. Emotional attachment can build up to emotional intimacy and this intimacy makes it easier for physical/sexual intimacy to happen thus one thing leading to another. However, not every friendship with a guy leads to all that. There are well defined relationships with good boundaries that last for long without leading to anything.

      Then try flipping the scenario: imagine you’re dating this nice guy for quite a while but he has this very close friend(s) who can call at any time, they talk for very long, she knows him far deeper than he’s ever allowed you to see, they have this friendship that you can’t even match and she’s more stable in his life than you are. How would that make you feel?
      Or imagine how excited you are about being his partner or became his wife then you notice that he has several ladies who know him very intimately which means there’s nothing you know that they don’t know. Marriage is supposed to be exclusive. There’s a post Ernest Wamboye has done that explains this well.

      Liked by 1 person

    • All in all, enjoy the friendships you have but remember that ultimately, no one has such high responsibility over your heart or emotions than you do.. at this age, it’s probably easier to enjoy opposite sex relationships without too much harm but as you grow older, the need guard your heart will get more serious because people change as years pass and so do the dynamics of friendship or relationships

      Liked by 1 person

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