The Bad Good Guy

There is a certain category of (Christian) men that exist; the ones who are naturally very nice, extremely social, quite caring and most likely come with a dash of charm. They are such good company and conversations with them never end: you could chat all night (okay, half the night probably) and talk on phone for a long time. They exhibit such concern and care; they will check up on you and when you are not alright, they will shower you with attention.

They are the ones who: treat you right, know you well enough, can easily tell if something is wrong, occasionally tell you how much they have missed you whenever you go silent, tell you a lot about what is going on in their lives and seem to enjoy your company. These guys make you feel special and you get very comfortable with them. They are the kind of friends most girls desire. I myself have had a couple of them.

But… they are pretty dangerous!

Not dangerous because they are bad people but because of how good they are. I know you already have your eyebrows up; allow me to explain.

You see, this kind of guy will easily captivate you. You will insist on how you are simply friends and how it is a purely platonic relationship. What you do not realise is that with every act of kindness, every bit of concern, every phone call and every hour together, he is slowly creeping into your heart. The reality is that ladies get emotionally entangled faster than men so chances of you starting to like him are very high.

The danger starts when you slowly get towed in and when emotional intimacy starts building. After a while, feelings start developing and you realise you’re falling for this friend. Then the pain follows soon when you notice that he wasn’t treating you special but is actually like that with several ladies. This guy did not set out to lead you on then dump you; no, he simply is being who he is- the nice charming guy.

Several of his lady friends start crushing on him and he never understands why. Some of the ladies fortunately don’t suffer the same fate. A trail of broken hearts is left behind and he may or may not know but you can be sure he probably wouldn’t understand how it happened because he had no intention to date any of them; he was just being a good friend.

When I discovered how big a deal this was, I tried talking to some of my friends explaining to them how their actions were affecting ladies around them. Most of them couldn’t see it and none of them changed after that. Then it dawned on me that inasmuch as men are custodians of our hearts, we are the ones with the primary responsibility to guard our own hearts.

So then next time you have this nice, charming friend who is always offering a shoulder to cry on and feels like your absolute bestest friend. Watch out, don’t let emotional intimacy catch up. If he’s already gotten you emotionally entangled, then look for a way to explain to him how his actions are affecting you. If you can’t do that, then find a way to retreat and go get time to recover, even if it means letting go of a friendship.

Remember that above all, guard your own heart!