It’s lunchtime and I am hardly excited about it. Not because I’m not hungry but because I’ve been dealing with this persistent nausea all day. Who knew something seemingly small can cause this much trouble? I’ve been trying my usual remedy and it’s not helping much; I can’t even remember the number of pellets of menthol gum I’ve chewed so far (Wrigley’s should hire me as their brand ambassador).
I’m having one of those I’m-completely-fed-up-being-sick moments. Sick and tired of dealing with similar issues day in day out. If you’ve been in a similar predicament then you know how tiring it is to be stuck with something for a long time when you can’t completely get rid of it. And no, I’m not talking about pregnancy; though maybe pregnant ladies can relate.
These are the kind of days I gather enough questions to ask God and it flows over from the health drama to everything else. That’s how I found myself having a conversation with Him on why my life isn’t as straight forward and easier to figure like many people. It doesn’t help that I have absolutely no clue what I’ll be doing in about 5 months after I’m done working here.
I have all these varied ideas and passions and plans, but can’t seem to figure how to merge them just yet or where to begin. This mostly leaves me feeling overwhelmed by how much I aspire to do vis-a-vis the little I’ve actually attempted. Then I crawl back into my shell and wallow in feelings of failure. When I try to crawl back, I’m reminded of how old I am yet I’m still in a position that people 2-4 years younger than be, ought to be in. I don’t even bother comparing myself with my peers ’cause that would be depressing.
My one consolation and greatest hope is that I am right where He knew I’d be and going through things He allowed in His wisdom. The best part about knowing that the One working behind the scenes in everything is Someone who loves you insanely, is the realisation that He has a pretty good reason, has my best interests at heart and is working everything for my good.
For example, I may have all these ambitious plans that seem too far fetched or scattered, and it feels unfair that I have to have a harder time than most people figuring it all out; but boy am I glad to know the amount of growth that will happen as a result!
All the health drama has taught me how to slow down and appreciate life. What started by turning me into a constant complainer ’cause I always had health problems daily; eventually taught me how to be grateful for the 97 things that are not wrong when 3 bad ones taunt me. I have learnt grace. Learnt how to empathise with people a lot more. Learnt how to appreciate problem-free days. Learnt how to be keen on detecting if someone wasn’t okay.Most of all, I have learnt resilience and how to keep moving when beaten down or worn.
So yes, I’d still easily trade off this malfunctioning digestive system just to get rid of this nausea, but in the meantime, I’ll keep living and keep trying to enjoy the rest of the day. I’ll take my eyes off the 3 and focus on 97.