A Letter to You

Hi,

You with the wounds; deep or shallow. You who’s clothed with despair. You whose heart is tired. You who’s hoped and hoped and been disappointed one too many times. You who’s been looking at other people flourishing in their happiness and wondering when your turn will come. You who’s been hurt severely or mildly. You on the verge of giving up. You who always comes so close but the happiness you chase keeps being elusive.

Your pain is legit, your despair is understandable, your fears are founded and you are worth grieving over. Don’t let anyone belittle what you feel; not even your own self. Allow yourself to feel all this at this moment.

However, down in those ashes of despair is not where you belong; that pit of pain isn’t your abode; that dark cell where you’re covering your wounds is not your permanent place. After the dark night, day dawns; don’t miss your sunrise.

You, right in the place you are, are loved. You are worth caring about. You may be knocked down but you’re not out. Take His hand, let Him gently pull you out of the pit. Lay your heart bare, let His love wash over your wounds and be your healing. Move away from that cell’s door; His rays of hope want to burst in and flush out despair.

You are loved; your wounds are legit but they can be healed. You are loved; yes your hope was genuinely lost but it’s a new day. You are loved; you feel rejected you but what they didn’t give you, they can’t take away; your acceptance was from Him. You are loved; broken as you are, He makes you whole. You are loved; disappointments of the past are not a forecast of the future. You are loved; nothing can take that away

Allow yourself to be loved and embrace the truth of that love until you live it fully.

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Trust That Let’s Go

Cut God some slack and just trust Him. No, not the trust we say in words but really truly allowing Him to take charge. The kind of trust that leaves things in God’s hands and doesn’t go back to keep taking them back while trying to find options. Simply purely letting God do whatever He pleases with the situation.

You see, the idea of leaving God in charge, for most of us translates to several things, none of which sounds exciting. It usually feels like the outcome will not be as expected because we’ve heard several stories of people who trusted God, and Oh inasmuch as things didn’t turn out as expected, they thank God because He was teaching them something. A good example would be with regards to marriage, where trusting God for a partner, leaves us cringing because somehow, the person God would bring would look nothing like you expected but apparently He was teaching you how not to judge by outward appearance. Y’all know these stories.

Trusting God has been equated with giving up all your desires and expecting whatever God will bring, which mostly is lousier than we wanted, but Oh well, ain’t God good all the time? When did we start believing the lie that God is a mean-ish guy who is opposed to our desires and will give us only what He deems better for us especially if it’s something a little disappointing? So yes, our desires can be flimsy at times and even selfish, but don’t we trust that God is able to help us align our desires rightly? Doesn’t the Bible tell us to delight in the LORD and He will give us the desires of our hearts?

We need to remember that God is a super loving God and the most wonderful Father. He does love us and wants the best for us. Many of the desires His children have (if you’re walking with Him), are usually placed in us by Him. Isn’t He the One who created us as we are?

I was reminded of this a few minutes ago as I went to wash my dish after lunch. It dawned on me just how much I love my work place. It has such a homely feel, and not merely because it’s in an estate with a house set-up. I love how my boss decided lunch is to be taken together on a table set at the back. I love how I feel very relaxed while here. I love that I got an office upstairs away from my colleagues (not that I am running away from them). I really like how my boss teaches me as a father does; he trains properly! I like my colleagues and how we work. I actually have come to love weekdays here more than weekends (and yes, I still have a life).

You know the funniest thing is that God picked this place for me; I had no idea it existed and had absolutely no plans to work here. Somehow God turned things around. I showed up not knowing if I was going for an appointment or interview. It happened to be an interview that felt nothing like your normal interview. Before I could process what was going on, I was told I had a job. Since then, I find myself falling in love with this place with each passing day.

So you see, God actually understands us better than we know ourselves. He knows everything we like and loves seeing us excited about these things. Instead of trying to hold tightly to the plans you have, learn something about surrendering those plans and committing things to God. Trust Him and watch the unfolding of a beautiful story.

Lessons From The Impossible

​December 23rd, 2016

Lessons from the bar exams:
The impossible is possible with God- first it is impossible, then it is difficult then it is done. Everything at that point screamed impossible- I sincerely hadn’t read, I would quit every single night and every morning, I was sick most days (food poisoning twice, stomach issues from here to Timbuktu, cramps and related complications etc) and I generally wasn’t prepared for it.
You need people… daily, without fail, in fact twice a day, mum and my twinie would call or text. They pushed me, prayed for me and encouraged me; they refused to allow me to quit. Each day they dealt with my pessimism, despair, anxiety and depression. I’d have given up right at the start or long before the beginning. Then there were also texts and prayers from friends and family. My family would pray for me every time they had their evening devotion and my Friends would also remember me in the same.
God is my absolute everything. I’m not even sure I have words to describe who He is to me. He’s been my rock, anchor, the core that supports my everything, my biggest cheerleader, the One who fights for me, pursues me relentlessly, understands me the most, bears with me, forgives me the most, loves me like crazy, sees past the things that marr my life, my hope… this list is not ending anytime soon. He’s picked me up countless times and when I didn’t want to get up, He’d sit there with me first before lifting me. He constantly is there to remind me who I am even when I don’t feel like it (which is most times). He’s a Father who surpasses any that I’ve seen. He loves me in ways that wreck me. Without Him, I sincerely would never hack this life. He proved it for the two weeks I did those exams.
I’ve held this unhealthy notion that I was the girl who had unlimited potential but who doesn’t live up to it. I knew that any time I’d start something or embark on anything, I’d not have what it takes to see it through. Reminds me of a party I had before joining campus, while everyone had great advice on how I should carry myself while there or what to watch out for, my mum simply told me to ensure I make it to the end. All she wanted was to see me finish that quest. Well, it gave me quite some motivation. Anytime I felt I’d failed badly, I remembered that all she expected was my finishing this. So as badly beaten as I was, I still made it out alive but with grades I’m not proud of.
So this has influenced greatly, how I see myself. I honestly doubted my ability to even do the bar exams. I was ready to defer some units but my mother would hear none of that. Daily I’d wake up planning to defer but somehow I wouldn’t. I was reminded that my battle wasn’t in how I’d do those exams but my battle was in showing up. True enough, the resistance I’d face daily was in showing up. So after encouragement, I showed up each day. Each day was hard; the hardest two days was when I was so unwell that I left the exam room an hour before time and the time I had my second bout of food poisoning. The food poisoning had ensured I was unable to read and sleep. I woke up staring at the reality that there was no way I’d manage to leave my bed, much less the house. That paper needed me to have crammed a lot and have done enough practice of accounts; I’d done neither. I was sure this was the final blow and everyone would understand if I quit. Somehow, I received encouragement and I told God that unprepared as I was, if He helped me get to the exam room, I’d sit for that paper. He did exactly that and a tad more. I stayed the whole 3 hours doing that paper and had such peace and comfort; it was a miracle. I still don’t understand how I made it to the end but God used that to show me how I actually can make it to do things and complete them.
The entire exam season was nothing short of a miracle and I saw those miracles daily. I’m in awe and still feeling overwhelmed.

The Impossible

​Friday 25th November 2016:

Spent most of the day in bed on the edge of depression. Sometimes it felt like I’d climb down that cliff a little, then climb right back to the edge. Teeter tottering.

Something akin to a panic attack would creep in then leave me be.

Why wouldn’t that judgment just come quickly? What if the judge didn’t rule in our favour and come Monday, we’d still do those exams? Maybe suing the Council of Legal Education wasn’t the best idea; maybe we should have simply focused on reading for those Bar exams and gave up on seeking justice.
By the time I realised we weren’t going to win, I felt BETRAYED! How on earth would God give me so much peace yet He knew all hell was about to break loose? Why didn’t He intervene? He knew how much I’d been through and how reading had been almost impossible. Why wouldn’t He make a way and have the exams at least postponed for even two weeks? He knew there was absolutely no way I’d sit for those exams because I had nothing to write.
By evening, I was glad my friend had planned for us to have coffee on this day. This would be a much needed distraction; at least God knew what He was doing when He allowed me to agree to this, days before I knew how badly I’d need it.
Got myself to town and had one of the longest coffee dates I’ve ever been out on with any friend. By the time I was done, I felt encouraged and with a new resolve to make use of the weekend and not to defer my exams. Maybe I can do this.
Then God reminded me of the previous day: Thursday was nothing short of a miracle! I’d gotten a job in a way I couldn’t explain and after an interview I’d never anticipated. It was relaxed and brief. Before I knew it, I had a job and had not been asked anything people normally get answered. In fact it felt like a meet and greet: getting to see the person who you’d picked for the job. I was in awe of God! 
The God of Thursday was still the God of Friday.
Long story short, Monday came and the two weeks of exams were probably the hardest two weeks of my life! Clearly, I hadn’t seen anything yet when I thought that all hell had already broken loose. I was sick on each day and every morning and evening, I would quit, cry and be on the verge of depression again. I even got food poisoning on each week, which was crazy since I only had food poisoning once, 14 years ago! Each day I’d cry and tell God how impossible it was and that He was demanding of me something I couldn’t do. 
But every morning without fail, God would pick me up and hold me in His arms each night. In every paper He’d flood me with peace that didn’t make sense. Each day He’d remind me that my battle was in showing up, not in what I wrote on that paper. Then to ensure I had no room to quit, He put people who would call or text me morning and at night. 
From yesterday, I’ve been hearing more stories of people God had burdened to pray for me during those two weeks. People who didn’t have to but they still remembered me when they talked to God. Different people in different places who God used to set up what I have come to see as my biggest miracle this far. 

My Two Fish

That title right there just about summarizes my life currently. Whenever I’d read the story of the boy who gave his two loaves and five fish, I doubt I thought much about the boy. Until recently when God took it on a personal level for me.

I can imagine that small boy in the crowd of 5,000 men and more likely, countless women and children. He was more or less insignificant; a mere drop in the ocean. Children were to be seen not heard. So imagine how he felt when a disciple asked him for his fish and bread. What would his very little portion do in a crowd this big? Anyway, he still gave. You can picture the shock he was in after he found out that his contribution fed the entire mammoth crowd and was even left over.

This has been me lately and I have watched that miracle happen over and over again. I have seen God ask me to give Him my two fish, several times, and reminded me not to worry because they were now in His hands. The number of times I’ve been overwhelmed and on the verge of despair, was probably more than the times I tried to trust God.

The circumstances were evidence enough: what I had, was practically nothing and my circumstances required way beyond what I could offer. I cried enough and kept telling God how I quit. There was absolutely no way I was equipped to handle the things He brought my way.

Until He started pointing me towards small things He’d done for me, to reassure me that He was still my Father and hadn’t relinquished control over my life. Then He did a very big miracle on a certain Thursday. I was left in awe and felt foolish for spending too much time being worried. I watched my two fish go over and beyond anything I had imagined.

Then the next day, a Goliath awaited me and I figured God would slay that giant; shock on me, that giant stayed!!! I freaked out, stressed out, cried and asked a million questions. Why would God abandon me like this? Then in His usual loving way He reminded me that the He was God on Thursday and still God on that Friday. He went ahead and organised an unexpectedly wonderful time for me. He ensured I was fully relaxed and even used the person I met to emphasize some of the things He’d been telling me.

I eventually faced the giant and was taught how some giants are defeated by one action at a time. Remember that proverb on how you can’t swallow a whole elephant but you eat it piece by piece? Yeah, that is quite true. God taught me to take one day at a time and only focus on the moment. Take tiny steps of faith for each day and refuse to focus on the circumstances.

The best part was that He personally walked me through it. It’s amazing to see how God expects you to walk on water but the whole time, He’s the one who provides the faith, the grace and holds you right through it.

So, how would anything insignificant get to count in our lives? Well, I have come to learn that we should not and must not despise what we have. Take whatever that is and surrender it to God. In your hands, it is nothing but in His hands, it becomes more than enough. Choose to believe God even when it makes little or no sense. He might multiply your two fish but He can also empower you to face that giant or walk on those waters.

Live Like You’re Loved

This post isn’t for the singles who are struggling with loneliness and are looking for something to ease it, neither is it for those in relationships trying to enjoy it better. This post is for all of us; each and every one of us because we all need to live loved while realising that it won’t come through people.

There are enough people, single or otherwise who have a hard time feeling like they’re loved. We try to get people to love us and when we can’t get that, we find substitutes. Our pets, music, favourite brand of ice cream, movies, books, alcohol, weed, sex or whatever your drug is, would never really give us what we need. However, we grow accustomed to finding temporary highs and chasing whatever will fill the void.

When the high is over or your text is not replied, we start sinking into a hole. We’ll always find a way to bear the blame mostly thinking that our flaws led to that.

We make mistakes; big or small, messy or not. Then beat ourselves up. We’re never good enough.

This is to each of us who needs to be reminded that love has little to do with you and more to do with the giver of love. To us who need introduction or a reminder of a love that’s redeeming; a love that’s unconditional. A love that already accepted us and isn’t repelled by our ugliness. A love that loves through our mess and through each failure. A love that’s constant and ever reliable. A love that wraps around us and says you are mine.

You are loved and nothing can change that fact. Your strengths and weaknesses are covered by that love. Love cheers you on daily. Love wipes your tears and lights up the darkness around you. Love loves you.

You are loved and accepted; no man gave that to you and no man can take that away.

1 John 4:10 This is love, not that we loved God but that He loved us…

Lamentations 3:22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases…

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love in this, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Do you know your Daddy?

There’s an interesting story in Joshua 15 that you can easily miss or dismiss because the entire story is in 4 verses. Here we meet a lady named Acsah who is the daughter of Caleb.

I found such an enviable father-daughter relationship between those two. Caleb must have deeply loved her and she knew it very well. Her daddy decided that she wasn’t going to marry any Tom, Dick and Harry; he offered her to the man who would conquer a certain great city. So she ended up with the bravest guy who had strength and plenty of wisdom because he became the first judge of Israel.

After marriage, she asked Othniel, her hubby, to request her daddy for land. They got the land but it was kinda dry so she opted to go a step further and head back home to ask daddy for some water wells. Of course her daddy gave her what she wanted.

Here she was married to a brave and wise man who still wasn’t able to go ask Caleb for these things, but she could. It takes a daughter who knows she is loved and is very secure in that love, to approach her daddy confidently for anything.

We already have a Heavenly Daddy who tells us we can approach His throne boldly, He tells us to ask for anything in His name, He promises He’s with us always and has assured us of a love that’s beyond anything we can imagine.

But do you really know your Daddy? Do you understand how crazy He is about you? How He keenly watches every detail of your life and has planned everything beautifully to work for your good as you walk with Him?  Do you know what it’s like not to worry because your Daddy handles all your affairs?

Lotsa love from me to you!