Tears For Breakfast

Table is set

Heavy thoughts line it up well,

Despair provides a lovely cover.

The appetizer first

Pretty pink and white pill,

More thoughts to wash it down.

Frustration, heartache, despondence

Make a balanced diet.

Pop out those flavours

A dash of salt will do

Yes, salt in fluid form.

Drown that with music

As you nibble on tea and bread.

But that’s just the cover up

In reality it is evident

Tears were your breakfast.

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A Letter to You

Hi,

You with the wounds; deep or shallow. You who’s clothed with despair. You whose heart is tired. You who’s hoped and hoped and been disappointed one too many times. You who’s been looking at other people flourishing in their happiness and wondering when your turn will come. You who’s been hurt severely or mildly. You on the verge of giving up. You who always comes so close but the happiness you chase keeps being elusive.

Your pain is legit, your despair is understandable, your fears are founded and you are worth grieving over. Don’t let anyone belittle what you feel; not even your own self. Allow yourself to feel all this at this moment.

However, down in those ashes of despair is not where you belong; that pit of pain isn’t your abode; that dark cell where you’re covering your wounds is not your permanent place. After the dark night, day dawns; don’t miss your sunrise.

You, right in the place you are, are loved. You are worth caring about. You may be knocked down but you’re not out. Take His hand, let Him gently pull you out of the pit. Lay your heart bare, let His love wash over your wounds and be your healing. Move away from that cell’s door; His rays of hope want to burst in and flush out despair.

You are loved; your wounds are legit but they can be healed. You are loved; yes your hope was genuinely lost but it’s a new day. You are loved; you feel rejected you but what they didn’t give you, they can’t take away; your acceptance was from Him. You are loved; broken as you are, He makes you whole. You are loved; disappointments of the past are not a forecast of the future. You are loved; nothing can take that away

Allow yourself to be loved and embrace the truth of that love until you live it fully.

The Unexplainable

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Have you ever had something happen or fail to happen that left you wondering where God was? You probably trusted God for something then somehow it didn’t happen or it’s been months/years and you’re yet to see it. Alternatively, you’ve been believing in God but something really bad happened and you don’t understand how God allowed it.

I have had more of those than I’d care to admit. Right now as I write this, there’s something I was waiting on God for which I needed today but I haven’t gotten it. I’d need a miracle for this one because if God doesn’t come through, my life would be altered significantly for like a year or two.

Then there’s the health issue or should I say issues that I’ve been trusting God to heal for years. I figured He’d work through medicine and I was on medication for the longest time. After reading the bible and seeing people’s radical faith plus all the promises God has for healing; I upped my faith and believed that His promises are true. Well, somehow I got back to hospitals and medication and it felt like I was back to square one. Today I’ve been indoors all day and I wonder when all this will end. I won’t lie, it wasn’t easy going back to medication because it seemed as though God had failed to come through.

In all this, I’m reminded of the fact that God is good and He is love. His thoughts towards us are precious (psalm 139:17) plus He promises that everything works out for our good (Romans 8:28). Some things don’t make sense at all and it’s easy to lose hope or start doubting God. It seems easier to despair and grow a little distant from God when you can’t find answers for things you knew He had power to do or stop from happening. Or maybe you’ve been praying that He delivers you from a certain sin that you keep falling into or a bad habit that needs to stop. Somehow you keep ending up right there and you wonder if God truly answers prayer.

One thing I can guarantee you is that despair won’t solve things and not talking to God won’t help either. I’ve done that countless times and it’s always futile. So go ahead and ask God why; He’s not going to be mad at you for asking questions. If He answers, then well and good, if He doesn’t, then don’t worry, He’s probably teaching you how to trust in His goodness even when things don’t make sense.  Then ask that He’d help you believe and hope; He says He’s the God of all hope. Remember that in all this, His grace is still sufficient for you.

This reminds me of part of a song I like:

I don’t know how the story ends

But I’ll be alright ’cause You wrote it

I don’t know where the highway bends

But I’m doing just fine

‘Cause You’re in control

Even when I don’t know

Where my life’s gonna go

You’re keeping me guessing
(Francesca Battistelli- Keeping me guessing)

Worth Fighting For

I have a certain song on replay as I write this, it’s a song I downloaded because that’s what my devotional told us to do. I hadn’t really listened to it until now and wow, I’m blown away.

You see, tonight has been rough for me. I was feeling quite beaten and defeated. I decided to watch some messages on YouTube hoping God would just speak through them because I didn’t even feel like having my usual time with God. Those videos triggered something in me and at some point I stopped to cry.

I felt like I might never get up from my current situation. I’d tried and somehow, despite the steps I’d take forward, I’d find myself right at square one. God then reminded me something He’d shown me a little earlier; how I had come to believe that I had nothing worth giving. I honestly had gotten to a point where I believed I wasn’t good enough to even contribute anything especially intellectually.

The crying stopped as I found a video on renewing my mind. That was exactly what God was trying to show me; the battle has to be won in my mind. So I had to start believing what He says about me and remember who I am.

At that very moment, my baby girl texts me telling me how amazing and intelligent I was, how she and God were cheering me on plus several other things. Oh you should have seen how I completely broke down! I cried and cried. God had gone beyond speaking through the ladies on YouTube and had used someone I cherish. After conversation with her, I felt quite reinvigorated.

It was a moment of the sleeping giant waking up; the fallen warrior getting up and dusting herself. To crown it all, this song just sealed it all. So I’ll leave you with part of the lyrics of Worth Fighting for by Brian Courtney Wilson:

You met me deep in my despair to show me You
would never leave me there. You claimed
because I was made for so much more.
I am Your child and I’m worth fighting for.
Though heavy with the weight of my mistakes,
You carried me and refused to let me sink under the pressure.
You meant for me to soar. I am Your child
and I’m worth fighting for. Eyes haven’t seen.
Ears haven’t heard all You have planned
for me and nothing can separate me from
Your love when there’s so much
more still worth fighting for.

When it doesn’t make sense

Do you have moments where your life feels like it has no meaning? When all the things you’ve failed at overwhelm you? When it feels like there’s no point to try because all efforts seem futile? And during this whole time God is quiet or feels like He packed and left.

You’re broken and there is absolutely no ray of hope. You wonder for how long you’ll be trapped in this cycle. It looks as if every time things appeared to get better, they still turned out the same. You probably conclude that this is how life will remain and that God is punishing you for something or gave up on you a long time ago.

I’ve been there… too many times!

Then I discovered that getting out of such a situation needs you to start speaking to yourself. Not like a crazy person having weird monologues but speaking to your soul and declaring truths that at that moment, you may not even believe.

Let me take you to Isaiah 43:1-5a… God says that He knows you personally because He formed you; He took His precious time to put you together. He has called you by name and you belong to Him. He promises that when you go through times that threaten to bring you completely down or overwhelm you, He’ll be right there with you to bring you through. Notice that He didn’t say you wouldn’t go through such times but He promises that even at those very moments, He’s there with you.

He declares that He gives people for your life and even nations. Imagine how special you’d have to be for you to be told that. Your life is extremely valuable to Him. Then I’m awed by how He starts that by saying how it’s because you are precious and honoured in His sight plus how loved you are.

So your life definitely matters and no detail escapes God! The same God who controls details that you’ve never considered: marking when the deer gives birth, providing food for ravens when their young ones cry out to God and hunting for the lions to satisfy their appetite (Job 38 and 39) If He can hear wild animals and even go hunting food for them, how much more do you think He takes care of your affairs!!

Psalm 139 explains how God understands the nitty gritties of your life. His thoughts toward you are too many to number; He thinks about you excessively! Yes, He’s figured out this entire life for you and had written every single day of your life before you were born. Nothing catches Him by surprise; nothing you do disappoints Him because He already knew it would happen but still chose to let that be part of your life story. He promises that every thing works for your good (Romans 8:28) and He doesn’t lie so if it’s in the bible then He’s definitely going to perform it.

No matter how you feel and how absent God seems; He is there with you and your life is definitely worth living out. He’s handling it all so just tell Him to help you see Him in all this as His peace and love surround you.