I must admit, doing anything productive in the office today has been near impossible. Anytime I try to concentrate for long enough, my mind finds itself wandering…again. The unknown causes such anxiety, maybe they should have had live updates being given straight from that theatre to calm those of us waiting eagerly.
I’ve been trying to think of what it’s like for you and I can’t even imagine. You’ve been through enough already. I don’t know what manner of thoughts you’d require to keep yourself distracted while lying on that table. Let me just say that your strength is admirable; whether you’re well aware of it or not.
I know the only promises I could make included the chocolate fudge cake and a nice home-cooked meal someday but I have made a lot more to God, trust me. I have begged, pleaded and even made outright demands; whatever it took to ensure you’d get out fine and have a much faster recovery. Basically, I have prayed until I am out of words. I sincerely haven’t had conversations with God about anyone my entire life as much as I’ve had concerning you. Yes ever since you broke the news and long before that.
I am just one out of countless people who are busy praying and waiting; all vouching for you. Your family is probably bearing the heaviest part of this and the people who love you. You are surrounded by so much love, I hope this acted as all the evidence you ever needed.
By the time you get to read this, you’ll probably be out of hospital and life will have moved on a little. I don’t know what it’s like to have gone through what you did and I will never attempt to make any assumptions. But one thing I suspect is that those physical scars are not the only scars you’ll be carrying.
Allow yourself to go through all the motions. It’s okay to not be okay. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone and that means your healing is yours to walk through and your journey shouldn’t be rushed by anyone including yourself. It’s okay to accept help and to allow people to lavish you with love, attention and affection; their intentions shouldn’t worry you much. It’s also perfectly fine to celebrate small steps. There are things you used to do effortlessly but now are quite a task; allow yourself to celebrate each progress even when it feels like it’s not noteworthy. Slow down a little and get to enjoy each seemingly ordinary moment in life.
There’s so much more to say but I’m a bunch of nerves and the knots in my tummy are tying my words as well. See you soon, hopefully by then all this worrying would have subsided and I’ll talk better.
Do get better soon.
With lots of care & concern,