Petals Among Thorns

Let me begin by saying: being sick sucks! Anyone who’s been sick knows how uncomfortable and inconvenient it is. I don’t think there’s a single person who simply enjoys being unwell.

That said, I’m stuck in the house AGAIN, for the third day. What started as an annoying sore throat turned into tonsils and a flu. It got worse and I bought some drugs which worked until they suddenly didn’t. I figured since it was a public holiday, some sleep and plenty of concoctions would be everything I needed. So I slept and drank hot water with everything; lemon, ginger, honey and fenugreek.

Then the second day came and I was still sick. Fatigue and sleep came in plenty. I thought I’d rest a little then get working. Well, IBS had a big surprise prepared. I’m guessing all the concoctions plus the infection triggered the IBS.

Oh boy, I don’t even know where to start with this one! IBS is one of those things you don’t wish even on your worst enemy. Picture a life where every time you eat something, your tummy reacts. Bloating and countless trips to the loo. Muscle cramps and random chest pains where you can’t tell if it’s a heart attack or just your tummy acting up. Then my favourite is the depression.

Sigh, how our brains connect with our intestines, is one of those things I marvel at and equally frown at. Imagine having anxiety and depression just because your tummy issues flared up. And then experience the opposite where anytime you are anxious or stressed, your tummy reacts instantly.

I must say, depression has to be the worst part in all this because you can’t predict when it hits. Granted, now I comprehend things much more, so I handle it better. But even with that, it still sucks.

When it’s mild, you can go about life as usual, only that you feel like you’re carrying this heavy load that keeps slowing you down. When it hits hard; you’re crippled. There’s little or nothing you can do at that time. Your world stops but your brain goes on overdrive. Suddenly every little failure and anything that’s not working is highlighted. You feel like a wreck; like you’ll never really do anything right. You cry over the normal life you’ll never have as you remain overwhelmed by all other issues.

Thankfully, that doesn’t last forever. You hit rock bottom pretty good then you come back to life. But that cycle can easily break you; it chips at you deeper and deeper each time.

Nevertheless, I must also say that I’m grateful. Walking around with a body that often misbehaves has taught me plenty of grace. You have more compassion on others and on yourself. I have learnt to be kinder to myself and to choose peace always.

Learnt that it’s okay to have days where you seemingly do nothing; rest is essential. That it’s okay to go at my own pace and not compare current me with the me I’ve always known or with other people. That life is different now and it’s okay to take things slow when I’m not well. I have also gotten to know the importance of support systems and relaxing techniques.

Yes, I wish life was different. Yes I still believe God heals and have experienced that personally. Yes I’ve prayed countless times and had crazy faith. Yes I’ve cried enough times asking God why on earth He thought I’d be able to handle this. Complained enough about Him not taking this away yet He has the power.

But I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m loved insanely and that God doesn’t always calm the storm but calms His child in the storm. Because ultimately, storms not only leave us much stronger but there are beautiful lessons we’d never learn if life was all nice and smooth.

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Tears For Breakfast

Table is set

Heavy thoughts line it up well,

Despair provides a lovely cover.

The appetizer first

Pretty pink and white pill,

More thoughts to wash it down.

Frustration, heartache, despondence

Make a balanced diet.

Pop out those flavours

A dash of salt will do

Yes, salt in fluid form.

Drown that with music

As you nibble on tea and bread.

But that’s just the cover up

In reality it is evident

Tears were your breakfast.