So I’ve been doing this series titled, ‘Unspoken Conversations’. Basically letters to people who I needed to have said something but never did, or say things they needed to have known but I hadn’t revealed, or just for closure on both sides.
Yours was one I avoided for the longest time. At first, it was because I didn’t want it to seem as though I was trying to initiate something by opening up. Then after it was safe enough to do so, I was so excited about your relationship and how happy you were; I figured it was best to let sleeping dogs lie. But my journey with vulnerability and authenticity demands that I don’t leave any words unspoken.
I’m not sure I remember the exact moment we met. Lol, but I remember how I had esteemed you very highly: you were in this almost sacred league of intelligent people who really had their shit together! The next thing I recall was you coming to our school; still in the league I had a holy fear of.
But first year in campus came and we’d become great friends by then. I thoroughly enjoyed our conversations! I loved how we’d talk about anything from fighter jets, to army stuff, to Law, then spiritual stuff and whatever other silly conversation. Just so you know, you still hold the record for my longest phone call. I haven’t managed to do another 6 and a half hours call.
Somewhere along the way, the chemistry was undeniable. I remember how we’d laugh at how similar we were and you once said I was like the female version of you. Naturally, feelings sprouted. But I was quite guarded. Then just as I started allowing myself to go with the flow, you said you thought we should cut down our calls because ours, plus the other people you were talking to, made it hard to get enough sleep. I was hurt! I immediately cut you off.
However, all through campus, we kept talking and hanging out every now and then. Even through your relationships and my situationships. My friends kept asking me about you because they were dead sure we’d end up together.
Then we ended up in the same church (well, again, since we’d also been to two others at the same time). This time round, the chemistry was undeniable for me. But you’d just been from a break up and I feared I’d be a mere rebound. I fought hard to hide how I felt, but I couldn’t keep away from you.
Then you started dating again; I really liked her and loved her children! I was genuinely happy for both of you and nursed my heartbreak quietly. I kept telling myself that every sign I’d gotten, no matter how legit it was, must have been false or something.
Well, until you guys broke up and I was terrified that maybe everything wasn’t false. But again, I’d seen you through several serious relationships; I didn’t want to be just another added number. However, I knew I couldn’t really be certain and be at peace about all the signs not being true, until I’d seen you officially married.
Thankfully, years passed. We both grew into different people and I no longer had anything hanging over me. We drifted apart and all was good. That’s why, long after everything, I didn’t want to tell you because there was no point.
But like I said, vulnerability wouldn’t let me simply bury something that was quite significant at some point.
Anyway, all in all, you were one amazing friend and we had such great times!! When I finally write books about my life, you sure will feature. Thanks for having been an incredible friend, for challenging me and inspiring me to grow in ways I couldn’t explain.
Au revoir!