Castles in the Air

You meet this guy, he catches your attention initially but that’s all. He has elements that got you to notice him, however, nothing particularly captivating. He got your attention but had nothing exceptional to keep you glued.

You meet again, this time you’re taken aback by something about him you hadn’t noticed before. He’s well dressed and acts like a gentleman. He has a slight touch of pizzazz without him realising it or trying to. Suddenly, you’re captivated.

He leaves and you’re thinking how you’re definitely in trouble because this guy has your heart fluttering. He’s mostly a macho man; strong, knows how to take charge and has such an air of authority. You’re impressed because those attributes in a man are very attractive. At the same time he has this side of him that seems quite caring and concerned. What a beautiful balance!

You forget that it’s only been two meetings and a few conversations on phone. You feel you know him well enough and he qualifies to be the custodian of your heart.

The thing is, you’re falling in love with the concept of him that you’ve created in your head. It’s very dangerous to fall for or date a concept because when reality hits a few weeks or days later, you’ll be heartbroken or stuck in a relationship you desperately want to leave.

We get carried away easily by people we get interested in especially after we assume we know the kind of people they are. We build castles in the air and create fairy tales of how life would be like with the person but the thing about castles in the air is that they come crashing down when hit by reality.

So my advice to you (and to myself) is this; take things a little slow sweetheart. I know your heart can’t stop beating and the butterflies in your tummy that come whenever you think of him, seem to have made their abode permanently inside of you. But pause, take a good look at reality and give it plenty of time.

Most of all, ask God to help you guard your heart. He’s such a great Daddy and wouldn’t mind walking you through this.

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Dear Ant in a Big World

Do you ever feel small? Like an ant in a world filled with elephants? It’s 2:05a.m and that’s the only way I can describe my life at this moment. I was to start writing at 1:48a.m but I didn’t, somehow. That little failure didn’t help considering how I’m trying to feel a lot less of that.

I am overwhelmed or is it just a feeling? Or it could be the hormones, they do lie at times.
I was in bed 3 hours ago ready to collapse and sleep but for whatever reason, I’m awake now and maybe given up on sleep. I tried drowning myself in somebody’s blog but I think that exacerbated things. Her blog should have inspired me and made me see how even the most accomplished people have struggles and insecurities too. However, all I kept thinking was how her beauty seemed flawless, how she was great at executing things and effective as a go-getter. Feats I aspire to but feel a million miles from.

It could be the hormones but I sincerely don’t feel beautiful enough. I tend to assume the make up is the reason I feel pretty whenever I do but I know it isn’t.
Oh and did I mention how it dawned on me that someone I thought I was starting to like may have preferences that disqualify me? (I promise to tell you that story) Sigh, maybe I should have been born as an Eritrean. They’re too pretty to struggle with such insecurities.

On the part of being great at execution, where do I even start? The numerous unfinished projects of mine would make excellent prosecutors in a case against me. I don’t even want to think of the bible reading I didn’t finish yesterday and today’s portion that I haven’t even had a sneak peek. I could list a thousand of such but that would be like opening Pandora’s box.

The go-getter, Oh well, she’s still very much alive in me but I haven’t been in touch with her lately because she’s buried under the countless insecurities.

All these and plenty more, are the elephants in my world and the ant in me feels… well, what would such an ant feel?
Maybe you’d know because you’re in a similar scenario. Maybe as you read this, the list of everything overwhelming you is growing longer.
I wish I could reach out, hug you and tell you that everything will be okay darling.
I may not… but I know someone who can.

He wrote something beautiful for you and it’s in a beautiful Psalm, the 139th one that David shared.
You’re not alone fellow ant, the elephants might make you feel like shrinking further but you’re carried by One who elephants look at and feel more petite than ants.

I’ll leave you with Psalms 139 and this common quote:
“Don’t tell God how big your problems are but tell your problems how big your God is.”
Get the focus off your situation and onto the One best able to handle them.

Do Not be Anxious

About 2 days ago, our army was attacked by terrorists and quite a number of soldiers died. I usually have a soft spot for men and women in service but this time round, my first instinct would have been to panic wondering if my ex was among those wounded or killed.

I deleted his number but somewhere at the back of my mind, I could easily retrieve it. I wanted to quickly call and confirm that he was okay, until God intervened and stopped me. I would have argued it out with God trying to convince Him that it would be a brief call just to be sure he’s safe and I’d never call again. That would have been totally futile because God gave me a firm ‘No’. Just like a parent would say No to a demand by a toddler to get ice cream while it was raining, not because he wanted to deny the child the pleasure they’d derive from it but for the child’s good because it would expose the child to sickness. So I knew God was looking out for my own good.

Today, while still playing with the idea to call or text, God taught me a beautiful lesson. When He asked me to separate from my ex, it was separation for good. God knew this attack would happen, even before we broke up and when He asked me to leave, it wasn’t separation until the attack triggered a reunion of sorts but total separation.

I learnt that despite caring for him, he is better off under God’s care than mine. My care would lead to resurrection of soul ties and mistakes would follow but God’s care leads to his constant protection and an improved life that I can’t give him.

So whether he’s alive or wounded or not, calling would not change the situation, the best I can do is not to be anxious but leave everything to God (Philippians 4:6-7)

If you find yourself in a situation where you’re worried about someone or something, remember that, you trying to control the situation won’t help. Relax, stop being anxious and surrender it to God.

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the centre of your life. (The Message Bible)