Who am I?

Previously, I was busy building castles in the air around your identity but I have to say that before your identity becomes a thing to fathom, I must understand me first.
You see, for two people to come together, each must be a complete entity with a figured out identity (or at least partial knowledge of the identity). I have to know who I am before I can let you discover the same. If I don’t, then I’ll drag you through a roller coaster that will leave you confused and it won’t be fair on you.
Moreover, my Daddy (God) would want me to first figure out who I am in Him because that simply reveals what I need to know about myself.
I can easily lose myself in you as I get carried away by everything you’ll be and in my pursuit to be a suitable helpmeet, forget about who I am. So you see, this in our best interest.

I’m just from trying to explain who I am on my instagram bio and after failing to come up with the most suitable description, I simply copy-pasted what is written on my Facebook account (not exactly the best move for a lover of words).
Here’s what I found summarised:
Daughter of the most High King of kings… Lover of life, colour, beauty
and everything nice… Warrior Princess and bride… Gentle lady, tenacious woman… Loved by the King, adored by His Son… Redeemed.

That should make it fairly easy for you (wink)… Lol, I’m kidding! I’m wonderfully complex as you’ll discover (psalm 139:14 backs me on that one). I’ll be easy to learn but still mysterious; you’ll have the rest of your life to figure that out.
Most of all, we share a Father who’ll gladly teach you about me as you ask Him. I’m His precious jewel, still getting refined. Currently, I’m lost in His love but if you seek Him, you’ll find me.

Lotsa love from me to you!

Father series

For quite a while now, I’ve been prompted to start a series of posts focusing on a Father-child relationship.

This is not based on my interaction with my biological dad (who’s a good father too) but my Heavenly Daddy who is the ultimate example of how a Father should be.

It’s my journey in discovering God as my own Daddy and Him teaching me how a daughter should be treated and loved.

My prayer is that this will teach you how a Father-child relationship is like; inspire men to learn fatherhood from God and to heal or restore relationships between all of us and our fathers (biological, step, father figures or spiritual ones).

Lotsa love from me to you!

When Truth Doesn’t hurt

It is generally said that the truth hurts; many times it usually does. However, I’ve discovered moments when the truth actually liberates you and gives you peace instead of the expected pain.

So recently, God caused a very vital detail to be revealed. If this occurred a while back, the truth would have hurt so bad, yet, somehow I got such peace because God had prepared me.

It got me thinking how we then should ask God to reveal more truths that would set us free, according to His will. It’s God’s pleasure to show you things you need to know, but we don’t ask. In my case, I feared asking because I had a feeling I’d not like the answer, but around 18 hours after finally getting the guts to ask God, my answer came. And boy didn’t it come with such freedom!

I feel like a huge weight has been taken off my chest! Do I think life will be far easier after this? Well, maybe not; it might take a while to adjust but things will get easier.

Whoever came up with the statement/proverb which says “The truth will out” was extremely correct! Truth can’t hide forever…
In the meantime, ask God to reveal things in your life which He thinks you ought to know about situations in your life, people or whatever else.

“You do not have because you do not ask God.”
James 4:2b

Held

I have innumerable things in my life currently that don’t seem to make sense. I feel like a character in my life who has no idea what the script looks like, not perfectly sure of what my role is, and even where I know what to do, I still don’t have the strength or motivation to get it done. I’m lying around, too weak to move. My heart feels exhausted and I’m not sure how I’ll get to the point where I can pour myself out in His presence to find rest and strength to fight all this.

It feels as though I’ve been hit from all sorts of angles and hit hard. If this is God letting me walk through fire that will refine me, then I can be in perfect peace, but if it’s due to my exposing myself to combat, then I seriously need to run back to safety. Now if only I knew which of the two relates to my current situation…

I honestly am tired, if given a chance, I’d stay curled up in bed all day alone and maybe take a long night walk on my own after I get tired of lying down. I want solitude and need a good session where all I feel can come out as a river of tears. At the same time, I’m afraid staying isolated will cause me to sink deeper into whatever this is.

Either way, I need help soonest, I can’t keep staying like this. My only, and greatest consolation is His ever constant presence. I feel Him with me in all this and He’s the reason this storm hasn’t broken me and torn me apart; He’s holding me in His peace.

Your Brother’s Keeper

You have this person who’s taking your head to the clouds and you have no idea how to land back to earth or you actually don’t want to.

Conversations are priceless, just like the moments spent together. At times it’s in the words but even silence and held gazes speak quite loudly. That cliche about time flying, for you is reality. There never seems to be enough of those minutes or hours.

Lingering becomes something that attaches itself to every simple contact. A hug that lingers a little longer each day and excuses for the slightest touch are found; a playful punch and conversations where your hands keep attempting to speak more than your words.

You’re friends but things look like they might soon threaten to be out of control. Your head is still spinning fast when you remember the words ‘my brother’s keeper’. You want to do that; it’s the right thing to do, but your heart and emotions don’t make it easy.

You realise you have some responsibility towards his managing to walk in purity. You’re not supposed to make it harder for him. You have to slow down. Instant gratification comes with future consequences that might be his undoing and yours too. It’s selfish of you to want to get what your heart wants now, not considering what that would do to him and his progress this far. He’s made major strides in walking right before God, this might make everything crumble.

So you choose to be your brother’s keeper in spite of the pain you’ll feel while killing flesh and starving desires. You continue praying for him as you usually do because you know how great a Destiny awaits him. You’ll go on being his friend and support him because in the end, it’s all worth it.

Moving on Swiftly

I thought I was quite good at goodbyes that I could spot them coming, miles before it arrived because I’d done it countless times. This worked well for me since it gave me time to deal with it in advance. When parting time arrived, I was able to survive it pretty well.

It kinda went like the stages of grief. After noticing the tell-tale signs, my first reaction would be denial. The thought that’d come to mind was “This can’t be happening”.

I definitely didn’t expect the friendship or relationship to last forever but maybe I hoped it would stay a little longer.

Next would be some anger of sorts. Some of the anger would be triggered by the person and I’d be mad at them for not caring enough to stay or for making me assume this would last longer. Then I’d realise the fault wasn’t with them but I’m the one to blame. So I’d get mad at myself for trusting too much or for getting carried away fairly easily.

Bargaining would follow; I try to look for ways to turn the situation around. Anything that might help avoid the oncoming goodbye.

Reality would hit after I realise that the situation can’t be salvaged and that’s when depression begins. I’d try avoid the person, I’d cry if need be, I’d spend enough time in bed and wallow in my sorrow. This would be the hardest and most painful time.

As we know, pain doesn’t last forever, so eventually I’d accept and move on.

However, recently, I was sure of a certain goodbye. All the signs indicated it and I’d gone through most of the stages of grief then something happened that took me aback. I was 100% sure this was ending then I’m unexpectedly told something that looks nothing near goodbye; words that carry an intention to stay and anchor more firmly.

So I’m left somehow confused. I figured that I may not exactly be the goodbye specialist I thought I was or that no matter how well you think you know people, they might just surprise you every once in a while.

Maybe this goodbye won’t happen or maybe it’s simply tarried. Either way, it looks like I won’t be moving on as swiftly as I thought.

What would follow

Do Not be Anxious

About 2 days ago, our army was attacked by terrorists and quite a number of soldiers died. I usually have a soft spot for men and women in service but this time round, my first instinct would have been to panic wondering if my ex was among those wounded or killed.

I deleted his number but somewhere at the back of my mind, I could easily retrieve it. I wanted to quickly call and confirm that he was okay, until God intervened and stopped me. I would have argued it out with God trying to convince Him that it would be a brief call just to be sure he’s safe and I’d never call again. That would have been totally futile because God gave me a firm ‘No’. Just like a parent would say No to a demand by a toddler to get ice cream while it was raining, not because he wanted to deny the child the pleasure they’d derive from it but for the child’s good because it would expose the child to sickness. So I knew God was looking out for my own good.

Today, while still playing with the idea to call or text, God taught me a beautiful lesson. When He asked me to separate from my ex, it was separation for good. God knew this attack would happen, even before we broke up and when He asked me to leave, it wasn’t separation until the attack triggered a reunion of sorts but total separation.

I learnt that despite caring for him, he is better off under God’s care than mine. My care would lead to resurrection of soul ties and mistakes would follow but God’s care leads to his constant protection and an improved life that I can’t give him.

So whether he’s alive or wounded or not, calling would not change the situation, the best I can do is not to be anxious but leave everything to God (Philippians 4:6-7)

If you find yourself in a situation where you’re worried about someone or something, remember that, you trying to control the situation won’t help. Relax, stop being anxious and surrender it to God.

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the centre of your life. (The Message Bible)

Crush?… or Maybe Not (Lies we believe)

There’s this guy I met (guy M) and for some reason I felt a connection; it almost felt like a crush but I brushed it away (more like rebuked it, Lol). I got to realise that he was sorta spiritually connected to us so I figured that the ‘crush’ that was trying to force itself was actually a different kind of connection.

Fast forward a while later and we’re now good friends. All was going great until he made a statement that sounded like the kind of insinuations I used to make when I was attempting to create an emotional connection with a guy. Butterflies kicked in and I think my heart fluttered; not in the ‘Yeaaay I like this’ kind of way but the ‘Oh no’ type.

Naturally, all sorts of thoughts started flooding my mind: what if he liked me? How would I handle things? Might I be feeling the same?
However, I felt strongly convicted not to indulge those thoughts. Not just because of some difference that I’m not sure I’d compromise on but due to the fact that the feelings actually weren’t real (PS: He actually looks quite good, is Spirit filled, with a heart after God’s own and would probably be a great guy to date, so of course I was tempted to think about it)

Okay, so you’re probably wondering why on earth I’d say they weren’t real yet I felt something. You see, this had happened to me before, more than once and I noticed that such instances were supposed to be a distraction that would eventually lead me into sexual sin. Plus it would occur whenever I was getting lazy spiritually. This time was no exception, my bible reading was wanting and my prayer life was fading to nonexistence.

Then another friend (guy J) happened to get dragged into this drama . I had this weird dream where guy J was trying to get cosy with me while saying how he was kinda jealous and not too happy about me and guy M since he didn’t want to share me. That was an absolutely absurd dream and I didn’t even bother to pray since I thought it was an extremely cheap tactic by the enemy to ensnare me, so I didn’t waste a second thinking of it. Nevertheless, it almost planted some strong desire in me and I kept fighting the urge to talk to them both that day.

The dream made me realise that the feelings that were trying to force themselves on me were false and a pathetic attempt to get me tripping spiritually. Any time accompanying thoughts would try to come, I’d cast them down immediately.

God had just taught me how not to entertain some thoughts. Remember how they say a thought leads to an action? Some times we indulge in thoughts that create feelings that didn’t exist and weren’t supposed to, then they get us in trouble. The devil will do anything to derail you and your mind is the best target because ultimately you become what you think.

So the next time you think you’re having a crush; first test to see where those emotions are from. If they’re not from God, then they’re from the spirit of Lust and one effective way to deal with that is to practice 2 Corinthians 10:5 and bring those thoughts captive.

“Throwing down imaginations and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ”

Intoxicated

I’ve fallen in love and this love is intoxicating!
I’m drunk and pretty high on it
It’s the kinda love no human can give
This love leaves me weak and breathless
Yet makes me so strong that nothing fazes me

This love is the only reason why
I’m sitting on the floor next to my bed
Unable to leave since He drew me here
I try to stand but no part of me can move
His love’s got me fixated

So I’ll sit right here,
Although sleep beckons, my Lover has me glued
This love’s got me crazy
And I love every minute of it

His Love

I am loved by a love that shatters my entire life!
A force so powerful that it can tear the universe
Yet tender enough not to destroy me

A love that is strong as death, jealousy demanding as the grave
A love that is relentless; it pursues relentlessly
A love that is a consuming fire

This love holds me so tight
It will never let go
It is not relinquished by my mistakes
It doesn’t walk away when I do so
It refuses to give up on me

A love I can’t explain or understand
Love I can only embrace