Tides High and Low

I can always feel when they’re coming. Them tides you know. Exciting, disheartening; high, low, in that order. A tiny ripple in calm waters, a small nudge follows. Before you know it, the force is too strong to resist. Then off you go wherever the tides were heading. To the shore or to the deep, you soon will see.

I love them tides when they are pulling me in. I get drawn quite deep until I lose myself. I love being in the deep where I have little or no control. being overwhelmed is pure ecstasy. Allow me to explain; you see, a girl like me always has control over everything. I always want to know at each point exactly where I am, where I’m going to and where I am from. I’m that girl who has to get a rough idea of how the picture looks like at all times.

Well that was until I felt the power of the sun over tides; power of the Son over my tides. Forces so strong that nothing can hinder. I find myself powerless and go with the flow. I love it when the Son draws. Little by little, I am pulled deeper and deeper. I lose sight of the shore and it is scary. I no longer have any awareness of exactly where I am but when He’s in the lead, I am not afraid. He knows me, knows what’s best for me and wants it more than I’d desire it for myself. So I let Him steer. I go as the wind of His Spirit blows.

It’s a beautiful place to be. Enchanting. Knowing that you’re not in charge of anything but watching as He takes you places and does things that are exceedingly, abundantly, above all you could ask or imagine. He goes beyond your expectations. You’re lost in Him but fully found. Completely drowning in His love and presence that you die to who you are only to find yourself very alive in Him.

You get used to that. It becomes comfortable. However, you got so fascinated that you began grabbing the steer slowly albeit unknowingly. Then the motion begins. You did not see the moon, but the faint ripple and small nudge, those you felt. And ignored. You were too caught up in the deep to notice anything.

Gradually, the power of the tide grows. It pulls and before you know it, you feel helpless. You are aware that to be safe, you need to go back to deep waters. Once or twice you try to go back but after a few attempts that mostly end in failure, you give up. You recall the many times you’d get to the places you ought to be but always fell eventually. Will this cycle ever end?

The shore comes to sight. You can feel the warmth of shallow waters. In fact, shallow waters are always warm; they are perfect environments for comfort zones. You stay there for a very long time. Long enough to completely give up on ever being as deep as you had gotten. You give up on the Son; give up on your ability to ever make it back. It’s not worth trying, maybe being lukewarm and out on the shallow waters is all you’ll ever manage to sustain.

But you forgot one thing: the unstoppable power of the Son over your tides. Forgot also that the moon still relies on the sun so ultimately, all tides are tied to the Son. He allows them motions for a reason. Whether He reveals the whys or not, it doesn’t matter. Rest in the assurance that all seasons are under His control. And before you know it, the tiny ripple and little nudges are back. The deep draws you back in.

Instead of fretting or despairing on where you find yourself now, simply surrender to the Son. Be sure that He will cause you to move where He wants you to be when His timing comes. Your part is to rest and surrender. Let the tides do their thing, after all, they are simply reins the Son holds.

I leave you with these two links to remind you the beauty of surrendering to the tide:

In Over My Head- Jenn Johnson

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)- Hillsong United

Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

It was a gloomy day which perfectly befitted the moment because we were going to bury someone dearly beloved. I was wearing the black dress I bought (whose length I’d immediately had reduced, Lol) and a new purple trench coat. Along the way some car got stuck in the mud or something but all I remember was that the funeral concession stopped and we had a chance to interact with people. I saw him. Heart almost stopped.

Of course he’d be here, this wasn’t something he’d missed. I think I was beginning to like him a lot more than I’d cared to admit. We talked briefly and you can bet my heart did a few of those flip flops. That didn’t last for long, soon we were back to our cars. I seem to briefly recollect introducing him to my parents; he must have been in the company of my cousins because I’d be committing suicide if I had dared to bring him over alone.

Eventually we get to the burial site. It was still cloudy and quite cold. I had done enough crying for several days so by this time, I was far stronger. I don’t like crying in public, so any emotions were shoved aside; all except one.

He was mostly right at the front taking photos alongside many others, but of course my attention was solely pegged on him. I had people to talk to and followed proceedings so it would sober me for a while before I’d steal a glance and be adequately distracted. I looked around me and noticed there was a bevy of beauties everywhere my eyes could see. Sigh, who was I kidding? A guy like him drew too much attention and there was no way I’d get his.

This crazy fog set in just as the family was heading to the grave site. People started rushing to their cars and choppers because the diminished visibility would be an issue. I had to go find my parents because I was to travel back to the city that same day.

He found me before I could trace my parents. He tells me to wait because he was trying to see if he could get me a vehicle going straight back. I’m guessing he planned to travel with me. Oh a girl had to be flattered by that display of chivalry! Unfortunately, he didn’t succeed but told me that whoever arrived first would wait for the other. I got there first.

I waited for forever! He kept apologising and I understood because he was at someone else’s mercy. After what seemed like hours (well less than an hour) he got there and ice cream followed. Long story short, he took me back to our hostels and stayed for a while to talk. Being the gentleman he is, he handed over the ice cream he bought for himself when my friends got there (yes, I love my friends tremendously but no, I don’t love them enough to share my ice cream).

Of course he’s always been a gentleman of sorts. From the first time we met, I noticed that chivalry. I was fascinated by his vast knowledge and travels. I love people who are well read or travelled. We got along quite well and I loved those conversations. He once got me a very beautiful yet simple bracelet in my favourite colour. I was swooned!

This story doesn’t have a happy ending and it’s worse because it was my fault. Oh goodness, I liked the guy! But then that whole faith thing came up and my unequally yoked lessons wouldn’t give me peace. I’d noticed how much he liked me but I had to kill it. So I withdrew and cut off communication. That was cruel and it hurt me badly, but I had to do it because if I allowed it to go on longer, the heartbreak would have been very ugly!