Despised? Insignificant? Weak?

Do any of the words above describe how you feel, have felt or maybe how people see you? Your list may include; failure, foolish, not good enough, disappointment and anything else related.

There’s this part of the bible that I struggled to relate with for a while. I’ll quote it so that you catch my drift:

[No] for God selected (deliberately chose) what in the world is foolish to put the wise to shame, and what the world calls weak to put the strong to shame.
And God also selected (deliberately chose) what in the world is lowborn and insignificant and branded and treated with contempt, even the things that are nothing, that He might depose and bring to nothing the things that are (1 Corinthians 1:27-28, Amplified)

Growing up, I had enough confidence for a whole crowd, felt loved and accepted by the world. I knew I had brains, a personality that was enviable and everything else people needed (oh the pride I had!). So that part of the bible didn’t make sense; I mean, I had everything and God still used me… until recently.

Somehow things changed and now I’m more likely to struggle with feelings of insignificance, inadequacy, insecurity, inter alia. Tonight was one of those nights and everything was crumbling. An unfinished project that’s due tomorrow triggered it all. My current and past failures suddenly began mocking me. It got me doubting my capacity to even handle the things that await me.

Then I pick my bible and randomly open a page and find the verses above. God sure has a sense of humour and too much love.

You see, for those of us who’ve gone through things that you probably can’t utter to a soul or struggles that only you can understand; there’s hope.
God doesn’t look for those with perfect lives and everything figured out. He uses people like me and you. As messed up as we are with all the disappointment, failure, inadequacy and insecurity; He still wants us.

You’re in good hands; you’re on the right path. Your story is still unveiling and with time, all this will start making sense.

Lotsa love from me to you!

Worth Fighting For

I have a certain song on replay as I write this, it’s a song I downloaded because that’s what my devotional told us to do. I hadn’t really listened to it until now and wow, I’m blown away.

You see, tonight has been rough for me. I was feeling quite beaten and defeated. I decided to watch some messages on YouTube hoping God would just speak through them because I didn’t even feel like having my usual time with God. Those videos triggered something in me and at some point I stopped to cry.

I felt like I might never get up from my current situation. I’d tried and somehow, despite the steps I’d take forward, I’d find myself right at square one. God then reminded me something He’d shown me a little earlier; how I had come to believe that I had nothing worth giving. I honestly had gotten to a point where I believed I wasn’t good enough to even contribute anything especially intellectually.

The crying stopped as I found a video on renewing my mind. That was exactly what God was trying to show me; the battle has to be won in my mind. So I had to start believing what He says about me and remember who I am.

At that very moment, my baby girl texts me telling me how amazing and intelligent I was, how she and God were cheering me on plus several other things. Oh you should have seen how I completely broke down! I cried and cried. God had gone beyond speaking through the ladies on YouTube and had used someone I cherish. After conversation with her, I felt quite reinvigorated.

It was a moment of the sleeping giant waking up; the fallen warrior getting up and dusting herself. To crown it all, this song just sealed it all. So I’ll leave you with part of the lyrics of Worth Fighting for by Brian Courtney Wilson:

You met me deep in my despair to show me You
would never leave me there. You claimed
because I was made for so much more.
I am Your child and I’m worth fighting for.
Though heavy with the weight of my mistakes,
You carried me and refused to let me sink under the pressure.
You meant for me to soar. I am Your child
and I’m worth fighting for. Eyes haven’t seen.
Ears haven’t heard all You have planned
for me and nothing can separate me from
Your love when there’s so much
more still worth fighting for.

Miracles in the Ordinary

Today was the day I was picking up the pieces of my life and taking back my house. Order was going to be restored and so was normalcy. The past week had pretty much disoriented a lot of things. Being unwell and spending most of the time sleeping changed quite a number of things.

I woke up determined to start with cleaning my house because it was an absolute mess. There was a mountain of laundry to fold that daunted me and the dishes in the sink didn’t make it any easier. Cleaning ended up being an on and off affair with plenty of sleep in between. By evening I was discouraged and hope faded.

Well, it’s amazing how God turned things around. I finished cleaning, folded and hanged all my clothes, washed the dishes, made some very good supper for my neighbour and I plus miraculously washed the dishes left at almost midnight!

Most people would sneer and shake their head after hearing that. All that stuff is pretty mundane to them since they do them effortlessly every single day. They are ordinary things that every lady is expected to be good at.

However, something that ordinary at times is a feat for me. While discipline came naturally for some people, it takes plenty of effort for me. This would leave me broken several times until tonight when I heard Beth Moore teach something interesting.

She mentioned how at times, things happen that for others, they’re ordinary things they’re used to but for us they’re nothing short of a miracle. For those who experience the miracle, they wouldn’t have it any other way! Yes the process is never easy and the waiting and hoping becomes really hard but in the end, the miracle is worth it.

For a parent with an autistic child, the words ‘Daddy’ or ‘mommy’ said by a 4 year old for the first time, is a miracle. For other parents, those words are said countless times until they barely notice. Discipline is natural for others, for me it’s evidence of how far God can bring a person. I’m not where I ought to be but each day is a reminder that I should appreciate every little progress.

What about you? What seemingly ordinary thing is your miracle? Start seeing God in the every day and even in the waiting for that miracle.

Lotsa love from me to you!