What would I do if someone I was dating or married to, cheated? If we were dating, then it’s easy: I’d dump you faster than you could assemble the five letters your apology would begin with. With dating, it’s simpler because the two of you aren’t bound legally or spiritually. If they’re cheating when they have the option to leave, how are they to be trusted when the two of you are married? Dating is the nursery bed/seedbed where whatever is planted there is transferred when marriage comes and everything grows to bigger proportions.
If it was somebody I was married to, hmmm, now that becomes a little more complicated. Most people will simply tell you to pack your bags and run immediately, others would advise you to stay and work through it. Yes I am completely against divorce because I strongly believe marriage isn’t just something you walk into and out of at your pleasure; it’s a serious institution.
I personally would first interrogate and find out what it was exactly: a one-night stand or an affair. A one time sexual escapade is easier to deal with; not easy but slightly better compared to the rest. He wouldn’t just say sorry and be forgiven, no we’d involve our best couple (who would have been walking with us all through the years) and possibly, our spiritual authority. Basically people we could trust and those who had been married way longer than us and had the wisdom to handle such things. This is something that would require us talking and finding out why it happened and what next.
If it was a sexual affair, I would still go through the same process. This of course would be much more serious because he made the choice repeatedly. Anything sexual forms bonds, so getting over it would not be a walk in the Park. Sex for women creates much stronger bonds than it does for men.
The one that would worry me the most is the affair where there was no sexual activity but she had my husband’s emotions and mind. The kind where he couldn’t wait to see or talk to her. The type where their minds danced to a similar tune. Where her words had him captivated. The kind where his mind was drawn fully or to such a great extent that it was hard to get out. She who made him laugh. The one who had him excited. The one who he thought truly understood him. The one who listens when he talks about his problems. The one who helps him forget his troubles. The one who becomes his distraction. The one he’s not afraid to tell anything. The one with whom he can be himself. That is the one I would be worried about… and if that happened, then I do not know what I would do.
Clearly, it is true that none of these things are as easy as we think, until it happens to you. For now, I speculate and go with what my single mind thinks, if this ever occurs (and I hope not) then I hope something here will be of use.
Diary of A Loved Black Woman 